


Only half gay

by lighthousesoffalsechoices



Series: Luke Ross [5]
Category: Jessie (TV)
Genre: Bullying, Homophobia, Incest, M/M, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 02:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20184379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighthousesoffalsechoices/pseuds/lighthousesoffalsechoices
Summary: Girls and boys. Boys and girls. Luke loved them all.But he loved Ravi the most.Author's note: If you have any plot ideas that you would want me to write about just let me know in the comments and I will do my best to get it done for you!





	Only half gay

Luke loved girls. He lived for them. He liked their sweet smell and soft hair. He enjoyed hearing their cute laughter and the way make up looked on them. 

Yeah, he loved girls. 

But then he also loved boys. He liked their cool pranks and jokes, their short hair and strong hugs. He loved that he didn’t have to be careful around them and that they could get him in ways no girl could. 

And as he grew older he started loving guys with muscle. Like those he would see on Jessie’s favorite magazines or Emma’s fashion shows she just adored attending to. 

Everyone knew he liked girls. But no one knew he also liked boys. He understood everyone at school would bully him, his friends may stop want to hung out with him and maybe even his family would disagree with him. So he kept it a secret, he made sure to hide the magazines and learned how to stop staring at cute guys he would see around school or on the streets. 

But no matter what his eyes would always linger on Ravi. He wasn’t his type at all, he wasn’t even a bit like him and besides he was his brother! It was crazy and completely wrong. Siblings shouldn’t have crushes on each other even if they weren’t blood related. 

But his heart wouldn’t stop fluttering whenever his brother was around, his stomach filled with butterflies whenever Ravi would smile or laugh, and he got nervous and sweaty when they would hug. 

Yeah, maybe Ravi wasn’t his type of guy. But he was the guy he loved and that completely terrified Luke. 

He didn’t want to lose his brother, he didn’t want to lose Emma, Zuri, Jessie or even Bertram. He didn’t want his parents to give him back to the orphanage. He didn’t want to lose his whole family. He knew he would die if he were to be left alone in this world. He wasn’t as strong as he made everyone think. 

So he denied these feelings, kept them locked away in the deepest corner of his heart and decided to go on with his life as if girls were the only thing he cared about. 

It was easy to pretend, everyone believed his every word. The hard part were the nightmares, the deep pain he felt at night and the dull feeling in his head.

But he learned to live with it even if it meant hating himself more and more until he felt as if he had become a shell of the boy he used to be. 

\--------------------------------------------

Ravi had never been lucky with girls that was common knowledge. And at some point he started questioning himself. He started doubting the feelings he had for some of them and wondering if they weren’t just part of his desperate need to be popular. After all, popular guys loved girls. That was all they pretty much talked about. And he just wanted to feel wanted, as if he belonged somewhere, anywhere at all. 

At some point he stopped looking at girls as a possible romantic interest and more as friends. 

He started looking at boys a lot more, he started admiring the football team instead of the cheerleaders. And that was really all it took for him to realize that he was gay. 

He loved boys and he always imagined himself finding the right guy. One stronger, taller and caring. One that wouldn’t want to really change him but rather love him for who he was. One he could hug, one he could cry with and not feel ashamed about letting his deepest emotions go. One that would protect him and keep him safe from the bullies. 

Luke. 

Every single book said that it was wrong to love your sibling in a romantic way. Incest was frowned upon and even punished. It was a crime and he understood why. Logically that is, but his heart didn’t quite agree with that. 

It was a bit different from his type. He was well aware of the fact that Luke and himself were different. They were two opposites. And even if he was stronger and taller and did protect Ravi, Luke also needed protection. He had soon learned that his older brother was much more fragile than what he seemed to be. 

Eventually, he had learned to be in peace with his own feelings. He had learned to accept them since denying them would only bring unnecessary pain. He truly believed that things happened for a reason and that everything would fall into place, no matter the outcome. 

\------------------------------------------------------

It all finally happened one rainy day. There was a big storm outside but luckily they were all home safe and sound with the exception of Luke who was in detention as always. 

“I’ll go get him.” Jessie sighed deeply when everyone else had gotten home after school without Luke “It’s raining really badly I don’t want him getting sick.” She grabbed an umbrella “I’ll get the limo.” She clapped happily and Bertram huffed at that.

“Yeah same limo Christina and Morgan told you not to use.”

“Well, they’re not here, they won’t know. Besides, it’s for a good cause. I’m getting their son from detention.” She put a hand on her hip.

“They may find out…”

“Yeah and your cheese may disappear.” She arched an eyebrow and Emma giggled before going up to her room. Bertram raised his hands in defeat and left to go back to the kitchen. Zuri followed him. 

Ravi quickly got into the elevator before the doors closed. Jessie blinked “Ravi? Aren’t you tired from school?”

“I am. But I believe this will be quite an interesting event to watch.” He simply said and she smiled before ruffling his hair. 

“So tell me. Why did he get detention now?” She arched an eyebrow and the boy sighed. 

“He got into an argument with a guy from the football team and then talked back to a teacher.”

“What?!” Her eyes widened “Why did he talk back? I mean yeah he doesn’t do his homework but he doesn’t do these things. Besides, why did he even get into an argument with a football player? They are literally his friends, right?”

“I cannot get into detail. I do not have all the facts.” He put his arms behind him as they stepped out of the elevator. Tony opened the door for them and smiled. Jessie smiled back before looking at Ravi. 

“Well, I will sure be getting those facts. And I will ground Luke until he turns eighteen.” She shook her head and got into the car with Ravi. 

When they got to the school Jessie had to talk to the teacher in charge of detention and while she did so, Ravi watched from the door and Luke remained sitting down, his face hidden in between his arms. The place was a mess that was for sure and it was quite obvious that the teacher didn’t care about what they did as long as they didn’t bother her. Everyone was really doing their own thing. 

Luke only raised his head when Jessie called to him and the teacher told him he could leave. The boy stood up in silence and grabbed his things to go. He walked right past Jessie and Ravi.

“Luke? Wait there.” Jessie put her hands on her hips. The boy stopped and slowly turned around “Aren’t you gonna tell me what happened?”

“Nothing happened.” Luke spoke quietly “Just...My math teacher hates me that’s all. Can we go home?”

“We are going home. But you are explaining everything in the limo.” She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and the three of them left.   
In the car, Luke was sitting beside a window looking outside. Ravi kept on staring at him, trying to keep himself from wrapping his arms around his brother and comfort him. He didn’t know exactly what had happened but Luke was never this quiet so he guessed that it had been a big thing. 

“So?” Jessie asked quietly as she drove “Ready to tell me now? I know you don’t really get into big arguments. You don’t really talk back to teachers.”

“Maybe I do.” Luke answered without looking at her “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“I don’t care. You’ll have to.”

“I don’t want to!” He suddenly yelled and Ravi’s eyes widened “I don’t wanna talk about anything! Leave me alone!”

“Luke!” Jessie snapped as well “Don’t yell like that. I’m only trying to help.”

“Well, you’re not.” He looked at her “You can’t help! Nothing happened! Just ground me and pretend this never happened.”

“I won’t do that.” She shook her head. 

Ravi sighed deeply and as they talked he looked at Luke’s backpack. 

The word ‘fag’ was written on the side of it with what seemed to be a black marker. 

Ravi quickly looked at Luke before looking outside himself. He didn’t want his brother to know he saw. Seeing that word on his brother’s bag made him feel both confused and angry. He hated that word and what it meant. It didn’t just mean that Luke may like boys too but it also meant that the root of that argument could have been this act of bullying. 

He was used to getting insults written on his locker. He knew how it hurt and he knew where they came from. But Luke wasn’t used to this. 

He couldn’t just tell Jessie even if he wanted to. She always solved everything and he knew that, considering how overprotective she was, that knowing would put her mind to rest at least a bit. But he couldn’t. He needed to get the facts out of Luke first. 

“You’re grounded.” Jessie told Luke once they had made it into the apartment “Infinitely. Until you tell me what happened. And I want the truth.”

“Then I’m grounded forever.” Luke shrugged before gripping his bag tightly and turning around. 

Ravi watched the scene unfold before him.

Jessie sighed deeply “Just...go to your room. We’ll call you when dinner is ready.”

Luke didn’t say anything and he simply rushed upstairs and into his room. 

“Do not worry, Jessie. I will talk to him.” Ravi smiled a bit at her, trying to comfort her. She smiled and ruffled his hair again.

“Thank you, sweetie. I do think he needs you now. He always opens up to you.” She said softly. 

\--------------------------------------

“Luke?” Ravi wondered as he knocked on his brother’s door “May I come in.”

“Go away.” Luke replied from inside and considering he barely heard it, Ravi assumed he was buried under his covers like he did whenever he was feeling down about something. 

“I must insist. Or else I will have to tell Jessie about that writing on your backpack.”

There was silence for a moment before the door suddenly opened and Ravi was pulled inside. Luke closed the door and looked at the other.

“What did you say?”

“I am sorry, I just needed you to open up so we could talk about it. Sulking will not be good for you.”

“I don’t sulk. I’m too cool for that.” Luke said as he went to sit on his bed, he grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly “So you saw…”

“I did.” Ravi nodded as he went to sit on the bed as well, but a bit far away from the other “May I know how things ended up that way? Who did that?”

Luke quickly looked away and he took a deep breath. Ravi tilted his head and he felt his heart skip a beat when he noticed his brother was holding himself back from breaking down. He knew the signs too well: the shallow breathing, the sudden snot, the red and damp eyes and the white knuckles.

His brother was beautiful even when he cried but it broke his heart every single time it happened. 

“Who did this?” Ravi asked again, this time slowler. 

“Q-Quarterback.” Luke replied, still not looking at the smaller boy, not really wanting to face what had been done to him “A-And a couple m-more from the t-team.” He was quick to rub his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Ravi didn’t know how to deal with this. He usually knew how to comfort his brother whenever he would break down and that usually consisted in giving him a big hug and rub his back. That was the answer to it “H-How d-did they even find out?” Luke whimpered and it made Ravi focus again “I d-didn’t tell anyone! I didn’t show a-anything to anyone!” 

“Luke, you will need to take some deep breaths. You are beginning to hyperventilate.” Luke blinked and stared at him making Ravi sigh “It means you are breathing too fast and that is not a good thing.” He watched as his brother took some deep breaths as instructed and when he seemed to have calmed down a little bit, he tried getting some information out “Luke tell me...Why did they write that on your backpack?”

“Didn’t you hear me? They found out!” Luke sniffled.

“That you are...gay?”

“I’m not gay!” The older boy suddenly snapped and Ravi flinched “I’m not! I’m not!”

“Okay, I understand.” Ravi said softly “But you need to keep calm. I only want to help you.”

“I’m not gay.” Luke said just as softly “I’m...h-half gay?” He then tried and quickly looked away “I-It’s not a big deal.” 

“No, it is not.” Ravi shook his head “Being gay or half gay aren’t bad things.” 

Luke sniffled once more and he looked down at his hands that were on his lap. Ravi felt a twinge of fear for his brother’s future. He knew this was only the beginning. Being gay in high school was sadly never a good thing no matter how much progress humankind had made. High school was no more than a jungle where survival was the only clear rule. He knew how to deal with this, he had learned of the different escape routes and invisibility tricks. He was doing just fine the way he was but Luke had always been like a star. He would shine with a light of his own wherever he was, he didn’t need a spotlight because that was him. So he most certainly felt terrible about the prospect of Luke having to disappear in the shadows to keep himself from being attacked by people who didn’t understand a thing about kindness or love and only cared about violence and simple words. Ravi wished he could keep Luke safe somehow. He wished he could somehow change this world’s way of being, change the way society was formed so that kids like Luke and himself wouldn’t have to be afraid of being exactly who they were and love whoever they wished to. Why did the world had to be either black or white? Why did people have to fear so much those things they couldn’t understand? Was it really so hard to simply let others lived as they desired? He was certain that his brother being bisexual didn’t really hurt anyone. His brother wasn’t capable of hurting others. Period. 

He didn’t want to think about the fact that his brother being bisexual meant that he somehow had a chance. He didn’t. He had been certain to keep his hoping at bay and his perverted thoughts buried deep inside his mind. He refused to take advantage of Luke in any way. Specially not now that he was really vulnerable.   
“What am I gonna do?” Luke whispered still not looking up “Everyone will hate me. I’ll lose my place at the table and I’ll get beat up like every day.” 

“Maybe we can tell Jessie. She always knows what to do.” Ravi tried and Luke quickly shook his head “Okay, then no Jessie.” He sighed deeply. 

Luke nodded before slowly raising his head to look at Ravi. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were still damp from the tear tracks on them “Ravi? Is it...really okay to be...half gay?” His voice was not loud and confident as usual and it just kept on breaking his heart.

“Of course.” He tried to smile as he stretched his arm to grab his brother’s hand. He noticed it was shaking “You’re not wrong. They are.” He squeezed it. Ravi felt so happy about being able to hold his crush’s hand even if the reason behind it was most certainly bad “And they will get what they deserve, in time.”

“Karma?” Luke tried in a small voice, one unlike himself.

“Karma.” Ravi nodded and he watched with a broken heart as the other rubbed his eyes again and then offered him a watery smile. 

“Thanks, Ravi. You’re the best brother ever.” 

\-------------------------------------

No, it didn’t get better from then on. Things weren’t okay. Luke was really tense about what had happened and was still avoiding Jessie’s the best of his abilities. He felt terrible about the way he had talked to her, he had never really treated her or really anyone else in such a way. But if he were to apologize he knew he would end up telling her about what had actually happened and that would mean coming out to her and in consequence to his whole family. He was not ready for that and he felt like he never would be. 

He was already starting to hate himself for who he was, he didn’t need others’ hatred as well. 

He was already happy enough about the fact that Ravi didn’t hate him for liking both boys and girls. He wondered what Ravi would think if he were to know that his own older brother was in love with him. 

That could never happen.

\------------------------------------------

“Give it back, Zuri!” Luke yelled one afternoon as he chased his little sister all around the penthouse. Bertram looked up from his magazine when they came into the kitchen. 

“I can’t believe you actually have a diary!” The girl giggled as she hid behind their butler who huffed and closed his magazine, knowing he wouldn’t be able to finish it unless he solved the issue at hand. 

“Just give it back! It’s none of your business!” Luke exclaimed from in front of the man.

“Again, why did I ever want to become a butler?” Bertram sighed deeply and he put his hands on the boy’s shoulders to try and calm him down “Can you two stop yelling and just tell me what’s going on so we can get this over with?” 

“Zuri took something from my room and I want it back!” 

“More like I found your girly diary under your bed.” The girl teased as she waved it around. 

“I always thought Ravi would be the one to have a diary.” Bertram shrugged “Really what’s so important in there anyway? Prank plans?” 

“Well, yeah! And other stuff. I just want it back.” Luke stretched his arm and the man lowered it.

“Zuri just give it back. I need a nap.” 

“No. There’s got to be some good stuff in here if he’s tryin’ to hide it so badly.” She opened it up and went through some pages. Luke’s eyes widened “I fluked math again. But who cares? It’s not like I’m ever going to college.” She read out loud. 

“No! Stop it! There’s nothing in there! Come on! I’ll do anything!”

“But I know I need a tutor. I just hope it’s not Creepy Connie again. That girl’s terrifying.”

“Zuri! Give it back!”

“I know it’s wrong…” She started reading again after turning some pages “...but I can’t help it. Jason looked real cute today...” Zuri blinked as she just stared at the page in front of her.

Everyone was silent for a few seconds as Luke slowly took some steps back. He seemed afraid and his hands were shaking. Even though dancing was his whole life his legs felt like jelly at that moment, as if he would stumble at any step. 

“Here.” Zuri said quietly as she offered it back to her brother, Bertram moved aside and stared at Luke who simply grabbed his diary and held it tightly against his chest “I’m sorry.”

“You should sit down, Luke. You got a bit pale.” Bertram said quietly as he grabbed a chair. The boy looked at him and then shook his head. 

“I-I...I-I won’t get m-mocked.”  
“You’re right. You won’t.” He assured the boy “I just want you to sit down so I can continue reading and Jessie won’t kill me for letting you faint.” 

Zuri took a step closer and she gently grabbed her brother’s hand to guide him to the chair. Luke slowly sat down and kept silent even as Bertram brought him a soda. It was his favorite kind, he noticed. 

Bertram sat down next to him and grabbed his magazine. He wasn’t really reading it, he was just staring at the same page and same pictures and even though both Zuri and Luke noticed it they chose not to say anything. Zuri just grabbed her phone and started playing a game on it. 

Suddenly the door opened and the comforting sound of clicking heels against the ground could be heard from behind them. 

“Okay, next time remind me not to ask Emma for any favor. I had to do everything on my own.” Jessie rolled her eyes as she placed some bags on the kitchen counter. She blinked at the silence and the way her family was sitting “Uh...What’s going on?” She asked as she walked over to them “Luke? Oh my god, you’re shaking.” She then quickly knelt down and put the back of her hand against his forehead “It’s not a fever…”

“Jessie.” Bertram said and she looked at him “You two should talk.” He stood up and offered his hand to Zuri who grabbed it in silence. 

“Talk? About what? Oh Luke...You’re crying!” She quickly sat down next to the boy and held his hand tightly in between hers “What’s going on? Something happened to you, I just know it. Why don’t you tell me?”

Luke shook his head and he sniffled “I-I don’t wanna talk about it.” He said weakly and Jessie shook her head as well.

“No, you’re telling me. I’ve been patient enough. I don’t know what’s wrong with you and I need to so I can make it better.”

“You can’t m-make it better. N-No one can. Don’t you see?” He looked at her “I’m a freak! I’m a faggot! Everyone’s right, Jessie. I’m not good enough for anything! Not good enough for college, not good enough for just...being normal.” He said and Jessie shook her head. 

“That’s not right...You’ve proved me more than enough times that if you set your mind on it you can be a brilliant. You just need the motivation and. Where did you hear that word, Luke? Who said it to you?”

“S-Some kids from school.” He sniffled again and she sighed. 

“Why did they say it?”

“Because they are right.” He whispered “I’m a fag. Half fag.”

Jessie looked at him as he said those words and wondered when was the last time she had ever seen Luke so vulnerable. And she quickly thought back to when the boy turned twelve. To the time where his parents had promised him to be there the day of his birthday. For once, Luke hadn’t asked for anything. Nothing at all. Not even a party, not cake, not presents, nothing. He had just wanted to have his parents there with him on that special occasion after they had been out of the country for three months straight. 

Of course Morgan and Christina hadn’t made it back until a week later. And Jessie had never hated them more than at that moment. Little Luke had been waiting in front of the elevator the whole day and no one but Tony had stepped out of it. 

She made sure to give him the best birthday party possible, but even if he had laughed and danced, she knew it wasn’t enough. 

That night Luke had been shaking in his bed and sobbing quietly under the covers. Jessie had just laid down with him and held him close as he cried against her chest. 

“Don’t you mean half gay?” She tried with a soft smile “Fag is not a nice word. And it doesn’t describe you at all. I don’t like you calling yourself or anyone else that. Got it?”

Luke stared at her for a long moment and Jessie only opened her arms for him to fall into them and let himself break down against his second mother’s shoulder.

And more than once, she had been his first mother. 

\------------------------------------------

And one day his other secret had been revealed. But this time around, Luke had been able to choose when to speak about his feelings instead of having to be outed. Maybe it had been just an act of rebellion which wasn’t really surprising considering who he was. 

It didn’t matter. He figured that any moment would be the right one to confess, because he knew that he would be hated afterwards no matter what. He might as well get it done so that he could then move on with his life.

“So? What did you want to tell me?” Ravi wondered as they were playing video games together. He noticed that his brother really wasn’t into them as he would usually be but he decided against commenting about it.

Luke gulped and he suddenly paused the game before putting the controller down and turning his body to look at the other. 

It was time. 

“It’s not easy for me.” Luke put his hands on his knees to try and ground himself “And I know you will hate me after this. This time for sure.” 

Ravi sighed and he shook his head “That is not possible.” He said “I couldn’t hate you.”

“Just hear me out, okay?” Luke asked, almost begged “This is really not easy.” He repeated “But I honestly prefer this than to have anyone finding out and just telling you. You know I love you, right?” His voice was firm, firmer than what it used to be and he liked to think that he grew stronger even if he felt like melting on the inside “I do love you. As a brother. But I also…” He took a deep breath and then stared at his sibling. This was the same boy he had been jealous of at first when he had been adopted only because he felt like he would be forgotten since he wouldn’t be the only son anymore. And then he noticed just how dorky he was and he had felt slightly better. He would have a younger brother to play with and teach about girls. He finally realized Ravi was far smarter than what he looked and so somewhere along the way he ended up becoming the older brother.  
He shook his head after some seconds and turned back around to grab his controller “Forget it, I really can’t do this. I can’t just ruin everything.” He muttered. 

Ravi didn’t say anything as he moved closer to the other to grab the controller from his hands and put it down again. He looked deep into Luke’s eyes and smiled some “I love you too.” 

That was all it took for Luke to suddenly throw himself at Ravi and, considering the boy’s lack of strength, they both fell to the ground. 

Luke laughed from above his brother “You’re so weak!”

“That was uncalled for!” Ravi complained “You caught me off guard!”

“Yeah, you would have fallen even if I had warned you two days ago.” He teased as he leaned closer to his brother who wrapped his arms around his waist. 

“You are just too heavy. It is not my fault.”

“Oh? Are you calling me fat?” Luke smirked. 

“No. Surprisingly enough you are not fat. And you eat more than Bertram!”

“Well, unlike Bertram I dance every day.” He shrugged and both boys giggled for a few seconds. 

They stared deep into each other’s eyes once they had stopped and only remained there smiling softly. Luke’s eyes were shining with happiness and Ravi only felt himself falling more and more for this boy. 

“What about our family?” Luke whispered as if not wanting to break the moment.   
“I wish I could say that I do not care but that would be a lie.” Ravi whispered and his brother nodded before he laid down completely and rested his head on his chest “I guess...This is okay for now.”

“Yeah…” Luke cuddled more against Ravi “Yeah, it is...We can worry later, right?”

“We have to. We owe it to them.”

Luke nodded again and closed his eyes as his brother threaded his fingers through his curly hair “It’ll be okay. We have like the best family ever.”

“That we do.”


End file.
